This Week in Poorly Argued Criticism

Man in line: Wait a minute, why can’t I give my opinion? It’s a free country!
Alvy: I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta give it so loud? I mean, aren’t you ashamed to pontificate like that?

“Annie Hall” by Woody Allen & Marshall Brickman

Editor’s Note: ‘This Week in Poorly Argued Criticism’ is culled from a variety of on-line sources. It’s goal is to not highlight bad reviews. Instead, it is to point out that, no matter how highly praised or critically derided, there is a voice of dissent. If the reader thinks, ‘physician, heal thyself,’ well, let this be a lesson for all.

The following quotes are presented as they were originally posted. The spelling errors and syntax are their own. While they may have been pulled from a larger review, they are as they appeared. The views are not necessarily those of the Lonely Review staff.

Trainspotting
I had trouble trying to follow the conversations (they were spoken in a very thick Sort of Scotch accent). The people were sooooooo ugly. What happened to all the beautiful movie stars????????????? The men were ugly and the women were even uglier if that’s possible. These people where obviously extreme low end people. Unless you like junkies, baby death and ugly people pooping in their beds don’t bother with this.

Fletch
The movie is just plain bad, not horrendously so. Chevy Chase has less talent then Anna Kournikova. What plummets this to One Star is that it somehow has gained cult status. Maybe the government is putting doping agents in our water, for whatever reason hundreds or more think this is legendary cinema. They are wrong and I am right.

Ordinary People
Never in my life have I subjected my eyes and brain to anything so disgustingly pretentious as this movie. The acting is okay- a little overdone in my opinion, but acceptable- but no acting could save such a dreary plot. I found myself wishing all the characters would commit suicide in some colorful fashion- that’s really the only ending that would have pleased me.

Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Barbarian is a movie that completely grabbed me, and immersed me into a mysterious and deadly world. I love watching a film that doesn’t try to over explain every detail, but rather leaves you hungry at the end for more. Conan was such a movie.

Network
I have to watch this movie for a film class. It really blows. Sidney Lumet is such a jab. He was so talented but too stupid to realize 5 minutes worth of music might have prevented audiences 20 years in the future from falling asleep while watching this film. Maybe it’s just me, but I think everybody was overacting. The oscars that this movie won are a testament to the sheer insanity plaguing our contry in the 1970s. If you are old, watch this movie.

The Godfather
This movie was so violent I couldn’t believe it! On a scale of 1 to 10 on the violence in this movie I would give it a 9!

Lady In the Water
The acting was wonderful, and the story was refreshing, fun and completely engrossing. The Lady in the Water was a work of art. It’s a film that I shouldn’t have liked, but ended up in love with. It’s a film that makes no sense, but makes all the sense in the world.

Bewitched
If you’re raising your kids to avoid Harry Potter and any other inklings of witchcraft, this is certainly not family fare… but for adults who are tired of having their eyes besieged by sexual antics, toilet humor and violence, this film is a nice retreat. There are no pre-marital bed-hopping scenes, language is comparable to prime-time TV (for what that’s worth!), and other than some cute slapstick, no one gets shot, cut or obliterated.