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Johnny Depp Fights Bears

It looks like Johnny Depp is on the verge of signing on to play the lead role, Axel Michelson, in an adaptation of Robert Wilson’s book ‘Crooked Tree.’ I have not read this book because reading is for losers, but I did a quick search for the book online. It is either a fluffy kids Christmas book, or a book with a giant bear on the cover. I am going to go with the giant bear book because, well, giant bears are awesome and can rip your face off. The key to fighting a bear is to box it in the ears and show no fear.

The novel follows attorney Michelson as he tries to uncover the legend of a bear walk. I am not sure this synopsis could be more vague, but blame Barnes & Noble. I am just going to assume the bear walk is where bears eat people.

Again, this is just a rumor, but I risk lives based on rumors and have made many a purchase based on rumors. That’s why I have $40,000 worth of stock in a company that builds furniture out of velcro. Velcro! It’s the future!


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