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Diablo Cody Learns About Capitalism

To continue the Diablo Cody lovefest ’08 we have going on here at LR, I thought I would share her shocking revelation: people do things for money. Recently given diamond shoes, Diablo (Seriously, do I have to call her that? For the rest of this article she will be called Tiffany.) was appalled to discover that the makers of the shoe, Stuart Weitzman, just wanted publicity and some advertisement.

Really Tiffany? This shocks you? Why do you think your script got picked up in the first place? Because it wasn’t going to make money? Did you refuse all of those dollar bills during your strip dances because it undermined the art of what you were doing? Suprisingly people do things because it makes them money. It is a tough concept to grasp, I know. It took me years to understand the basics of capitalism.

Later on Tiffany had another shocking realization: hamburgers come from cows. She was recently quoted as saying, “I never would have eaten a hamburger if I had known they had to kill a cow to make it!” (OK, that quote is totally made up. She knew hamburgers came from cows. But she still ate them because she doesn’t care. Besides killing cows, Tiffany also punches old people and gives them atomic wedgies.) Her world is crumbling around her. So many things are protected from the eyes of our nations innocent strippers.


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