I like lists. They get me the groceries I need, make sure I am not using my finger to brush my teeth on vacation, help my girlfriend remember why she is still with me… they are great. So why wouldn’t I come up with a list to determine the most overrated movies? When I put it in terms like that, I determined it would be foolish not to. Maybe even more than just foolish, I would take it further and say it would be utterly foolish, bordering silly, not to create this list.
So how did I determine what belongs on the list and where? Well, I will tell you. It was a highly scientific process of getting drunk, calling old girlfriends and throwing up in my roommate’s slippers. You may think that this has nothing to do with deciding what movies are overrated, but what you don’t realize is that I’m still hung-over and wearing feetie pajamas on upside-down. So, you see? It’s all very official.
(Side-note: The movies that make up this list are not necessarily movies I don’t like. The fact is I do enjoy some of them, I just feel that the praise they get is excessive in comparison to the quality of the film. )
The Top Six (Why six you may ask? It is one for each of my ab muscles.) Overrated Films According To This Guy:
6) Casablanca – With the emotional range of a shoebox Humphrey Bogart reminds us why we don’t typically let cardboard act.
5) Crash – No matter how much this story twisted and turned, you pretty much saw the whole thing coming. And you saw the whole thing coming because Paul Haggis doesn’t trust you to pick up on subtleties so he made it loud and explained everything. His cliche play of the cliche stereotypes undermined the whole movie and left me feeling a bit under appreciated as an audience member. Plus I have a standing oath with my toaster to never like a movie that casts Brendan Fraser.
4) Knocked Up – This was tough because I couldn’t decide which Seth Rogen film to put up here until I determined that once you have seen one Rogen film, you’ve seen them all. It wasn’t that this wasn’t a funny film, which it wasn’t, and it wasn’t that it was a misogynistic film, which it was, it’s that this film was somehow so bad and overrated that it actually set curing cancer back 35 years.
3) American Beauty – The lesson in this movie is that woman need a man to be complete. What’s wrong with that? Wait, we are not still living in the 50’s? Then why am I wearing this poodle skirt? Dammit! That’s the last time I ask to my couch for fashion advice.
2) The Matrix – Besides plagiarizing the story from a comic book the other flaw in this movie is that it relies heavily on the believability of Keanu Reeves. I will repeat that because it warrants mentioning again, this movie relies heavily on the believability of Keanue Reeves. The producers of The Matrix really should have taken my suggestion and cast my dog as the lead. Sure she has no concept of on coming traffic, gets confused when she can’t find a snowball you threw into the snow, drags her butt across a rug floor, can’t read or deliver lines, but she is so cute when you put people clothes on her!
1) Scarface – I am not sure what was worse for me, the unbelievable story, shoddy movie making, cliche lines, or the fact that he had an super-duper (I was going to go with amazingly large, but then I thought, “why hold back? It’s a super-duper moment.”) crush on his sister. Wait, no that last one did it for me. Also, when is the last time anyone was inspired to conquer the world based on what a blimp said? I trusted what a blimp told me once. It said it loved me and would always be there for me. But was it? No. It left me at the alter, a shattered man. And now I am married to a Buick.
Those are my most overrated films. If you disagree, that’s fine, because I disagree with your face.