It looks like Johnny Depp is on the verge of signing on to play the lead role, Axel Michelson, in an adaptation of Robert Wilson’s book ‘Crooked Tree.’ I have not read this book because reading is for losers, but I did a quick search for the book online. It is either a fluffy kids Christmas book, or a book with a giant bear on the cover. I am going to go with the giant bear book because, well, giant bears are awesome and can rip your face off. The key to fighting a bear is to box it in the ears and show no fear.
The novel follows attorney Michelson as he tries to uncover the legend of a bear walk. I am not sure this synopsis could be more vague, but blame Barnes & Noble. I am just going to assume the bear walk is where bears eat people.
Again, this is just a rumor, but I risk lives based on rumors and have made many a purchase based on rumors. That’s why I have $40,000 worth of stock in a company that builds furniture out of velcro. Velcro! It’s the future!